tml is another busy day... waking up at 430am and working... it seems almost like no break lah. cos i have to use the 1hr to travel. -_- but at least its only 2 bus stop distance. hopefully i can grab a bite. and lucky i checked the map to plan just now. if not, i'll be spending hours looking for a B03 bus stop at dunearn road. LOL!
i wanna get a waterproof windbreaker! and a pair of sneakers... (cos i still think sports shoes dont look nice. it makes my feet looks FAT!)
looking forward to the weekends... having 3 off days. need to accompany dear go somewhere on monday. hopefully everything goes well. and i dont know whether to go class chalet or not... or rather i mean, the bbq. now that im not doing taxi surveys, it means lesser income. AHH! shall see how things go...
holidays are here... it was raining when i worked just now. lucky the aunty had 2 umbrellas. =D thank god!
shall go get my SLEEP! or i shall really fall sick man..
Tuesday, February 24, 2009 | 4:24 AM
damn it! im like getting so irritated doing cepa now. and it used to be rather easy just substituting numbers into the equations. wth! perhaps im too stressed up, i hope so. ugh! i just wanna do well for this module lah... grr!
shit man! i need motivation.
ARGH!
this must have been my worst exams ever. to be working during the daytime and staying up late to study. it's more like part-time studying and part-time working rather than full-time studying. im just stressing myself up man!
4 hours and 30 minutes left to the exam...
UGH! hopefully i can keep my cool now... and do it without getting irritated. maybe its the lack of sleep that's causing it. BLEH!
i wanna do many many things after the holidays lah!
shit man! i need motivation.
ARGH!
this must have been my worst exams ever. to be working during the daytime and staying up late to study. it's more like part-time studying and part-time working rather than full-time studying. im just stressing myself up man!
4 hours and 30 minutes left to the exam...
UGH! hopefully i can keep my cool now... and do it without getting irritated. maybe its the lack of sleep that's causing it. BLEH!
i wanna do many many things after the holidays lah!
| 2:33 AM
its like 230am. i just woke up to study for the L-A-S-T paper!
omg man. been working like crazy this exam period. and still have to rush down to work tml after the paper ends. WTH! just as long as i dun fall aslp lah... 8 hours work with 30 mins break lah. ugh! im not god man. whatever! quite lucky ytd lah... the downpour didnt drag into our shift. and i met this other female colleague who happens to be my ex-senior in commonwealth. the world is so small... HAHA.
PS. snacking on chewy bar and drinking coffee to keep myself awake. =D
im seriously lacking slp!
omg man. been working like crazy this exam period. and still have to rush down to work tml after the paper ends. WTH! just as long as i dun fall aslp lah... 8 hours work with 30 mins break lah. ugh! im not god man. whatever! quite lucky ytd lah... the downpour didnt drag into our shift. and i met this other female colleague who happens to be my ex-senior in commonwealth. the world is so small... HAHA.
PS. snacking on chewy bar and drinking coffee to keep myself awake. =D
im seriously lacking slp!
Friday, February 20, 2009 | 9:47 AM
left with only 1 final CEPA paper on this coming tuesday. =D
and i wanna say im feeling much much better than before now. HAHA! thanks all those who took time to listen to my rants and such.
im glad i dropped CEM. oh well, more like im gonna be kicked out cos i didnt go for exam. but i got kicked out from the course with pride, having attained a gpa of 3.5 for it last sem with a mere 50 marks out of 100 for the mst. and at least i also got another A for this sem's mst. but what are As for if i seriously dont like what im studying? i dont care what others say lah.. this is my life. what for get As for this whole course and have a nice transcript and let employers have good impression and i'll be asked to do things i dont like again... meaningless right. of course i have my own rationale for dropping it. and its definitely not because i cant cope.
and also another thing that have made my heart lighter is quitting that taxi surveyor job! whee! today will be my last day. gotta redo. but after today, its over. O-V-E-R! im already happy now. haha. like mentioned above, i wont do things that i dont like. not even for the sake of money...
and finally, exam's almost done with! only 1 last paper. =D =D
all these makes my life brighter! HAHA.
and dear is so good. he didnt only peel prawns for me, but he also peeled lobster and crayfish for me. =D
going vienna restaurant for buffet dinner again tomorrow. just went last week luh. -_-!! but nevermind, since i dont have to pay. haha! wondering if i should get anything for my brother... cos i dont know what to get for him...
PS. its FEB 20 today! 2 more months. =D
and i wanna say im feeling much much better than before now. HAHA! thanks all those who took time to listen to my rants and such.
im glad i dropped CEM. oh well, more like im gonna be kicked out cos i didnt go for exam. but i got kicked out from the course with pride, having attained a gpa of 3.5 for it last sem with a mere 50 marks out of 100 for the mst. and at least i also got another A for this sem's mst. but what are As for if i seriously dont like what im studying? i dont care what others say lah.. this is my life. what for get As for this whole course and have a nice transcript and let employers have good impression and i'll be asked to do things i dont like again... meaningless right. of course i have my own rationale for dropping it. and its definitely not because i cant cope.
and also another thing that have made my heart lighter is quitting that taxi surveyor job! whee! today will be my last day. gotta redo. but after today, its over. O-V-E-R! im already happy now. haha. like mentioned above, i wont do things that i dont like. not even for the sake of money...
and finally, exam's almost done with! only 1 last paper. =D =D
all these makes my life brighter! HAHA.
and dear is so good. he didnt only peel prawns for me, but he also peeled lobster and crayfish for me. =D
going vienna restaurant for buffet dinner again tomorrow. just went last week luh. -_-!! but nevermind, since i dont have to pay. haha! wondering if i should get anything for my brother... cos i dont know what to get for him...
PS. its FEB 20 today! 2 more months. =D
Saturday, February 14, 2009 | 1:49 AM
im tired - mentally tired. i seriously need a break from all this crap!
from knowing my mother can sponsor my brother's fees for SIM, but not my poly. and not even if i wanna go SIM.
to knowing how much i mean to her when she told me i should pay for my life insurance myself.
im sorry i cannot be a good daughter, i have to say things to hurt you. i have to stay out late at night to make you worried. i have to neglect my studies. i have to do things you dont like me to do. but do you know im only going 18 this year? that i have not started work, that im still studying, that i dont have the ability to pay $500plus. do you know that i choose to come home late, because i hate loneliness? the feeling of being all alone in this house, it sucks. do you know that when i come home after a day of staying out, my purpose was not to quarel with you?
from providing inaccurate data at the airport.
to tarnishing my reputation and ruining the impression of my abilities at work.
you never knew what happened that exact day, you were not there to see the exact scene for yourself, you can never dream how BAD the exact situation was. to be sweating in air-con environment, for the sake of work. to be shuffling between the taxi stand to the escalator there just to get the data. it turned out inaccurate, i didnt want it this way, no one wanted it this way. $10 per hour is not worth it, if i had to get my abilities doubted from then on, and never able to restore it again. an additional $1 per hour is not worth it, if i have to redo a set for you. $7 per hour is not worth it, if i had to argue with 3 security guards and stand by the roadside to do the survey. tell me which fucking surveyor at centrepoint would rather stand by the roadside than to sit on the bench. i did all these, just to get the data as accurate as possible, so i wont miss out anything. i was even ready to tell you just deduct $7 from my pay for me to go change pass, because the guards were really making me damn irritated. for the past survey, i minimized my toilet breaks. taking at most 1 toilet break per day, all lesser than 5 minutes except one which i couldnt find the toilet at suntec. i have never before in this survey did so much as to forgo the toilet break or keeping it the shortest as possible. but when you brought up that incident again, i knew i've lost everything. and i'll never get anything back anymore. so i told myself, its time for me to leave once i've earned enough. i rather leave on my own accord, rather than to be kicked out. i've seen enough of your colourful face, im not a kid anymore, im not fascinated by so many amazing colours. i rather look at the rainbow. a mistake made, that can never be forgiven, not even on accord of the fact i've worked 1 year, i've given all my available dates, i've only once backed out last minute due to schoolwork. its not worth it, i dont want to occupy that vacancy left for a perfect surveyor. so much so that even now my mistake has led you to lose the trust of someone that's just close to me, i will leave. i dont want to make things worse, i dont want to drag more people down. a wrong that can never be forgiven, i'll take it. i rather be independent and search for another chance to start anew elsewhere. i've other work experiences, i have been demoralized so much so that all of us felt like crying after work on the first few nights. but i still survived it somehow. but things now, have gotten beyond my control. once, you said you couldnt find anyone that can handle lucky plaza on a sunday. you said the replacement for paragon is also not exactly safe. now, you're not even sure i can handle vivo on a weekday for the morning slot.
from entering DCHE from dpa, which is based on interest and passion.
to losing everything, degrading myself, dropping diploma plus...
i've wanted so much to be a chemical engineer last time. i was able to convince the panel of judges to let me into dche via dpa. but now, i've lost interest. i've got no heart no study. i dont know which direction im heading towards. im studying without an aim, getting a diploma that im not aiming for anymore. even if im able to graduate with the class of dche/ft/1a/21 of ay08/09 sem 2, i guess i wont be truly happy. im just struggling here, trying to get a diploma, in fact just any diploma. i've got no interest or passion for anything anymore.
life had just gotten a step more meaningless.
when everything comes crashing down on you suddenly...
when everything starts falling apart suddenly...
im too tired. i need peace. i need time to cool. i need time to reflect.
what is life really about? what are my goals in life? why am i not happy anymore?
from knowing my mother can sponsor my brother's fees for SIM, but not my poly. and not even if i wanna go SIM.
to knowing how much i mean to her when she told me i should pay for my life insurance myself.
im sorry i cannot be a good daughter, i have to say things to hurt you. i have to stay out late at night to make you worried. i have to neglect my studies. i have to do things you dont like me to do. but do you know im only going 18 this year? that i have not started work, that im still studying, that i dont have the ability to pay $500plus. do you know that i choose to come home late, because i hate loneliness? the feeling of being all alone in this house, it sucks. do you know that when i come home after a day of staying out, my purpose was not to quarel with you?
from providing inaccurate data at the airport.
to tarnishing my reputation and ruining the impression of my abilities at work.
you never knew what happened that exact day, you were not there to see the exact scene for yourself, you can never dream how BAD the exact situation was. to be sweating in air-con environment, for the sake of work. to be shuffling between the taxi stand to the escalator there just to get the data. it turned out inaccurate, i didnt want it this way, no one wanted it this way. $10 per hour is not worth it, if i had to get my abilities doubted from then on, and never able to restore it again. an additional $1 per hour is not worth it, if i have to redo a set for you. $7 per hour is not worth it, if i had to argue with 3 security guards and stand by the roadside to do the survey. tell me which fucking surveyor at centrepoint would rather stand by the roadside than to sit on the bench. i did all these, just to get the data as accurate as possible, so i wont miss out anything. i was even ready to tell you just deduct $7 from my pay for me to go change pass, because the guards were really making me damn irritated. for the past survey, i minimized my toilet breaks. taking at most 1 toilet break per day, all lesser than 5 minutes except one which i couldnt find the toilet at suntec. i have never before in this survey did so much as to forgo the toilet break or keeping it the shortest as possible. but when you brought up that incident again, i knew i've lost everything. and i'll never get anything back anymore. so i told myself, its time for me to leave once i've earned enough. i rather leave on my own accord, rather than to be kicked out. i've seen enough of your colourful face, im not a kid anymore, im not fascinated by so many amazing colours. i rather look at the rainbow. a mistake made, that can never be forgiven, not even on accord of the fact i've worked 1 year, i've given all my available dates, i've only once backed out last minute due to schoolwork. its not worth it, i dont want to occupy that vacancy left for a perfect surveyor. so much so that even now my mistake has led you to lose the trust of someone that's just close to me, i will leave. i dont want to make things worse, i dont want to drag more people down. a wrong that can never be forgiven, i'll take it. i rather be independent and search for another chance to start anew elsewhere. i've other work experiences, i have been demoralized so much so that all of us felt like crying after work on the first few nights. but i still survived it somehow. but things now, have gotten beyond my control. once, you said you couldnt find anyone that can handle lucky plaza on a sunday. you said the replacement for paragon is also not exactly safe. now, you're not even sure i can handle vivo on a weekday for the morning slot.
from entering DCHE from dpa, which is based on interest and passion.
to losing everything, degrading myself, dropping diploma plus...
i've wanted so much to be a chemical engineer last time. i was able to convince the panel of judges to let me into dche via dpa. but now, i've lost interest. i've got no heart no study. i dont know which direction im heading towards. im studying without an aim, getting a diploma that im not aiming for anymore. even if im able to graduate with the class of dche/ft/1a/21 of ay08/09 sem 2, i guess i wont be truly happy. im just struggling here, trying to get a diploma, in fact just any diploma. i've got no interest or passion for anything anymore.
life had just gotten a step more meaningless.
when everything comes crashing down on you suddenly...
when everything starts falling apart suddenly...
im too tired. i need peace. i need time to cool. i need time to reflect.
what is life really about? what are my goals in life? why am i not happy anymore?
Wednesday, February 11, 2009 | 12:13 AM
extreme bad luck at work proves that im a true goat man! wtf. i guess even before 2009 ends, i'll be out of kt already... since im a pure goat.
damn!
maybe its because i always learn things the hard way. i choose not to believe until it really happens right in front of me.
if i have to put up with crap for every round of survey, i'll be a piece of crap shit for putting up with all those crap for half of the year. no point staying on too long...
once you've gotten enough money from the company, LEAVE! its always better to leave on my own than to be left jobless by them.
damn!
maybe its because i always learn things the hard way. i choose not to believe until it really happens right in front of me.
if i have to put up with crap for every round of survey, i'll be a piece of crap shit for putting up with all those crap for half of the year. no point staying on too long...
once you've gotten enough money from the company, LEAVE! its always better to leave on my own than to be left jobless by them.
Monday, February 2, 2009 | 2:05 AM
its 2am and im still awake now.
lagging behind in many many things. damn! havent even submitted my mip report. and i think the crs lecturer wants to see a draft for our crs ca3. my cd cip is gone too.
seriously... i dont understand why there's a module like cd which requires us to fulfil 10 hours of cip? absolutely ridiculous. what is the meaning of cip? what is volunteering? its just such a disgrace for people to suddenly commit their time to cip because they want to pass the module. if you wanna do things, do it with a sincere heart. why bother wasting time on something you dont want to do? what in the world are we all living for? to do things we dont like? FUCK! might as well have a "health and wellness" module where we have to clock in 30 hours of sports for 1 semester.
i dont want a stupid module called character development to develop my character such that i do things that's not sincere and not from the bottom of my heart. but if i wanna stay with a character where i do things sincerely, i face the risk of failing it and forwarding my modules and the possibility of being retained half a year. FUCKING INTERESTING THEORY! fuck la. what is character development? the 2 words totally dont fit what its teaching us. all the fucking wrong values. and its 50% somemore. just because of a bloody fucking irritating module like cd which forces us to do things to pass, im damn stressed cos i havent clocked in any hours. but if it have already been predestined for me to fail this module, then let it be... because you cant expect a sick person to climb the blocks and carry rice.
and i guess i might drop cem, for real this time. i really dont like to trouble all the good souls out there who are willing to teach me right before the exam. i'll feel guilty eating up people's revision time teaching me everything from start till end. and i deserve it because i've not been paying attention, so i shouldnt be wasting people's time. and i know i dont have the heart to study this module anyway. from the way i've been getting mc i think on 1 or 2 tuesdays to cover up, and ponning it all the time... its pretty obvious. and when priscilla asked me how come i didnt drop cem, i really went to think what happened and prevented me from dropping. i know my mind can do it, but my heart doesnt want to do it. and im someone who doesnt believe in doing things with the mind and without the heart, because to me, such people are failures in life.
and after thinking through, i think diploma plus is just another hoax. to many, it seems that diploma plus gives you some kind of advantage, i dont know what kind of advantage. better impression on potential employers? only applicable if you're competing with other poly students. bear in mind there's also the university students. though some employers would prefer hiring poly students cos they are cheaper than university graduates. and it frees up more time for people who are intending to go to university. but think about it, free time is definitely good. but you're spending an additional $1k on it now. in the future when you enter university, you do not have to spend an additional amount to take it, its a core module. so, it just means im wasting additional time and money now, coupled with the fact that im going nowhere near the field of chemical engineering in the future. overall, one conclusion: im considering dropping cem. so look down on me all you want.
exams are coming soon. i know i've been ignoring school work. but at least i've been living life to the fullest, doing what i enjoy and what i like. the only time i feel stressed is only at home and in school. and i've started playing bowling with dear again... after the storm has died down.
and i think i wont continue with nyaa anymore. i rather just waste $17 than to continue wasting more time and money on the activities and camp. seriously, my heart is not in it, i just cant bring myself to commit to it. so why bother too much and get myself all stressed up? not worth it. and defeats the purpose that im living.
so its 3am now, after all the ranting at my blog and smsing and talking on phone. school's at 8am tml. i'll give it a miss since im deciding dropping cem anyway. =D
ohbleh. there was a waiting list at the bowling alley last night. and dear was thinking about what to write for the name, and decided to write my name. because his name is just too common that i know of another lecturer called joseph teo and the person above my name on the waiting list is also joseph teo. -_- but i only love joseph teo boon pin. XD
cip at school library tml. this sucks! but at least this is better than asking me to participate in the rice project.
gd nite world.
lagging behind in many many things. damn! havent even submitted my mip report. and i think the crs lecturer wants to see a draft for our crs ca3. my cd cip is gone too.
seriously... i dont understand why there's a module like cd which requires us to fulfil 10 hours of cip? absolutely ridiculous. what is the meaning of cip? what is volunteering? its just such a disgrace for people to suddenly commit their time to cip because they want to pass the module. if you wanna do things, do it with a sincere heart. why bother wasting time on something you dont want to do? what in the world are we all living for? to do things we dont like? FUCK! might as well have a "health and wellness" module where we have to clock in 30 hours of sports for 1 semester.
i dont want a stupid module called character development to develop my character such that i do things that's not sincere and not from the bottom of my heart. but if i wanna stay with a character where i do things sincerely, i face the risk of failing it and forwarding my modules and the possibility of being retained half a year. FUCKING INTERESTING THEORY! fuck la. what is character development? the 2 words totally dont fit what its teaching us. all the fucking wrong values. and its 50% somemore. just because of a bloody fucking irritating module like cd which forces us to do things to pass, im damn stressed cos i havent clocked in any hours. but if it have already been predestined for me to fail this module, then let it be... because you cant expect a sick person to climb the blocks and carry rice.
and i guess i might drop cem, for real this time. i really dont like to trouble all the good souls out there who are willing to teach me right before the exam. i'll feel guilty eating up people's revision time teaching me everything from start till end. and i deserve it because i've not been paying attention, so i shouldnt be wasting people's time. and i know i dont have the heart to study this module anyway. from the way i've been getting mc i think on 1 or 2 tuesdays to cover up, and ponning it all the time... its pretty obvious. and when priscilla asked me how come i didnt drop cem, i really went to think what happened and prevented me from dropping. i know my mind can do it, but my heart doesnt want to do it. and im someone who doesnt believe in doing things with the mind and without the heart, because to me, such people are failures in life.
and after thinking through, i think diploma plus is just another hoax. to many, it seems that diploma plus gives you some kind of advantage, i dont know what kind of advantage. better impression on potential employers? only applicable if you're competing with other poly students. bear in mind there's also the university students. though some employers would prefer hiring poly students cos they are cheaper than university graduates. and it frees up more time for people who are intending to go to university. but think about it, free time is definitely good. but you're spending an additional $1k on it now. in the future when you enter university, you do not have to spend an additional amount to take it, its a core module. so, it just means im wasting additional time and money now, coupled with the fact that im going nowhere near the field of chemical engineering in the future. overall, one conclusion: im considering dropping cem. so look down on me all you want.
exams are coming soon. i know i've been ignoring school work. but at least i've been living life to the fullest, doing what i enjoy and what i like. the only time i feel stressed is only at home and in school. and i've started playing bowling with dear again... after the storm has died down.
and i think i wont continue with nyaa anymore. i rather just waste $17 than to continue wasting more time and money on the activities and camp. seriously, my heart is not in it, i just cant bring myself to commit to it. so why bother too much and get myself all stressed up? not worth it. and defeats the purpose that im living.
so its 3am now, after all the ranting at my blog and smsing and talking on phone. school's at 8am tml. i'll give it a miss since im deciding dropping cem anyway. =D
ohbleh. there was a waiting list at the bowling alley last night. and dear was thinking about what to write for the name, and decided to write my name. because his name is just too common that i know of another lecturer called joseph teo and the person above my name on the waiting list is also joseph teo. -_- but i only love joseph teo boon pin. XD
cip at school library tml. this sucks! but at least this is better than asking me to participate in the rice project.
gd nite world.